Monday, September 28, 2009

Only a matter of minutes.

Taxi Driver 125 was doing so well -- despite asking me if the address I gave him was in Vancouver, British Columbia. I replied, "Actually, it's in Singapore, but I prefer taking the long, scenic route." If I had a choice between a directionally-challenged driver or a hygienically-challenged one, there would be no choice. Unfortunately, with the exception of London, England most drivers will start exploring their eyes, nose and/or mouth within minutes of your trip. Is this their way of getting back at people who vomit on their personal property or desecrate it with butt crack? 

Cavity exploration wouldn't be an issue for me if we didn't have to exchange money or a credit card. I rarely carry cash with me because it's one of the most germ-laden things about (look for a future post on how to handle money).

Taxi cleanliness, again, with the exception of London, is sketchy to begin with. Make your next trip more, or less, enjoyable by playing this game. Start your imaginary taxi driver meter with 10 points. Think of them as merits/demerits. Deduct points for unacceptable dirt, stains or smells and then every time the driver goes eye, nose or mouth diving. 

Back to Driver 125. He started off so well. He opened the door for me at the airport which saved a tissue (look for an upcoming post on how to get through life without touching a doorknob). His taxi was clean. The seat belts were in working order.  Despite the sniffles, 125 resisted wiping his nose with his hand for a significant amount of time. Approximately 14 minutes. Since he opened the door for me, I didn't deduct a point for his sniffles. He even found his sense of direction. His 10 points were intact. And then. And then. And then he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Minus one. That was followed by the Nose Scratch. Down to eight. Which was followed by the Nose Wipe. Seven. A cough. Six. Not into his sleeve. Five.

We arrived at my destination. I handed him my credit card. He processed it and passed it back to me along with a pen. I declined the pen (always carry your own; post to come) and picked up the card with a tissue. I put my credit card directly into an envelope to await cleaning (future post). 125 earned a point back by opening the door for me. For a non-London driver, a Six is a respectable score. 

1 comment:

  1. I love your point system! Maybe you could apply that instead of your "hit" system, and every situation could have its own starting points (10 for taxis; 5 for restrooms, since they should be really clean, etc.)?

    Sneezing into one's hands could be an automatic 5-point deduction or even instant elimination. Points could also be regained (like when the taxi driver opened your door and saved you from exposing your hand to the door).

    It would be interesting to see how the world--or even a particular city--fares in your point system, and you could call them out on it on your blog and hold the city accountable.

    Who knows, you may make the world a better--cleaner--place through this blog!

    : ) Ankur