Not to be outdone by the gym.

The armrest is one of the filthiest places on an airplane. This is why I use hand sani to wipe down my area. Despite crazed or confused looks from fellow passengers.

Look. Free earphones.

Left behind by a courteous passenger. I suppose the airplane grooming staff felt they were also doing someone a favour by leaving these behind. But little did they know I would be sitting in this seat.

Look what I found on my airplane pillow.

I must admit this is the worst find to date. I would never even sit on an airplane pillow, let alone rest my head on one. I've seen pillows tossed on the floor. Stepped on. Sneezed on. And I know they are not replaced in between flights.

The Classy Cabin.

Why oh why do people feel the need to put their feet where arms belong? Just another reason to wipe down your armrest. Those shoes did make a few trips to the on board washroom where men do not always hit their mark.

An alternate Emergency Exit.

If you find yourself in an airplane bathroom without toilet paper or tissue for a relatively germ-free exit, reach for this coat hook instead. Yes, this too is blessed with invisible toilet spray courtesy of those individuals who do not put down the toilet seat. But it is definitely a less touched item than the door handle. Why airlines do not include this useful piece of information during their safety briefing is beyond moi.

My MaxMara Bubble.

It is truly amazing what I can do in my protective shell while flying. In addition to sleeping upright I can brush my teeth, do facial exercises and cry while watching sappy movies in total privacy. Oh. And. If someone sneezes without covering their mouth their germs repel off the fabric. It only looks odd from the outside.

The dreaded airplane pillow.

Unless the pillow is in a sealed plastic bag I will never ever rest my head on one of these. I have trained myself to sleep upright. Picture tomorrow.

Say what you mean.

Personally, I did not really believe the plane was being cleaned as announced by the gate agent. She simply used the word cleaned vs. the commonly used groomed. But the CLEANING ANNOUNCEMENT made the results of my wipe down way more fun. My pleasures in life are simple.

We apologize for the delay.

Take all the time you like I thought when the gate agent announced the flight was delayed because the aircraft was being cleaned. She said the plane was BEING CLEANED! As opposed to the usual BEING GROOMED. Was my patience rewarded?

The first thing I do on a plane.

If you listen to the announcements made by gate agents, you will often hear them say boarding will commence after the plane has been groomed. Grooming is what airlines do between flights. Translation. They perform a quick tidy. This is why I CLEAN the headrest, armrests, seatbelt, table tray and in-flight entertainment touch screen. FYI. I use less abrasive wipes for the touch screen. For the cleanest seat in the house, with the least amount of effort, ask where I sat last. Or do it yourself. Personally, I find it entertaining to see how dirty my seat surroundings are.

We don't want this package to go missing.

After watching five back to back episodes of True Blood this weekend -- which is getting more gruesome by the episode -- I was reminded of this not very in-focus photo I took on an airplane.

Before this, I had never knowingly been on a flight with HUMAN EYES. HUMAN EYES in a box that is. They were upfront in the cockpit. They appeared to be well packaged. I was grateful for that because I would hate to see one, or more than one, rolling down the aisle.

I found vomit on a seatbelt once and that was disgusting enough. The plane was grounded until they replaced the seatbelt for me. I did not even have to ask. The Air Canada flight attendant was ahead of me on this one.

A hand that does my bidding.

See. Being The Hygiene Hunter does have its perks. I do not even have to operate my own inflight entertainment system. This gentleman sitting in front of me on the airplane was kind enough to save me the trouble. And the germs. Hit.

This is a problem.

The DREADED-AIRPORT-SECURITY-BIN. More specifically, the DREADED-SHOES-IN-THE AIRPORT-SECURITY-BIN. It does not matter if they are yours or mine. The soles are coated in germs, not chocolate. And now, so too is your overstuffed plastic baggie filled with liquids. Soon after, the inside of your bag. Then you touch your mouth without washing your hands. Next thing I know you are sneezing next to me on an airplane:(

To save humanity, you may want to consider placing your shoes directly on the belt.

How incredibly classy.

Do not feel sorry for this gentleman. He was not suffering from deep-vein thrombosis. We were not into the 19th hour of a long-haul flight to Australia. Actually, we had not even taken off from LaGuardia enroute to Toronto when Mr. Class chose to put his feet up on the wall of the aircraft. I say, "Why stop there? Why not just relieve yourself in the seat pocket in front of you?"

How thoughtful of her.

Same flight. Different aisle. Do you still think I'm crazy for wiping down armrests on an airplane with hand sanitizer?

How thoughtful of him.

On a red-eye flight, while others slept, I tip-toed around the plane looking for hygiene infractions. Even when people are sleeping they're only thinking about themselves, not other passengers.

You have to be crafty.

Last week was a three-city tour of duty for me. On my second trip of the week, I was inspired by an airport shop's "totally degradable" plastic bags. While I waited to board the airplane, I read the bag which kindly asked you reuse it and offered the following suggestions: perfect for your wet bathing suit; ideal laundry bag; holds 2 diapers; efficient shower cap; holds one muddy shoe. These thought starters led me to -- Instant Slippers.

On my third trip, I decided to test Instant Slippers. On any flight over 45 minutes I take off my shoes for comfort, but never touch the aircraft floor unprotected. Socks don't count (read my "Not just me." post). I would normally wear disposable slippers courtesy of hotels I've stayed in. Instant Slippers aren't ideal for long-haul flights because your feet won't breathe well.

Here's your how to guide. When you make a purchase, ask for an extra bag. Most clerks are nice people so you shouldn't have any trouble securing an extra bag. Unless, of course, too many people start asking for extra bags in which case you may have to make an extra purchase that warrants two bags.

When you've settled into your seat, take off your shoes, keep your socks on, slip your feet into the bags and enjoy the flight. Whatever you do, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO WALK in your Instant Slippers. If you get any strange looks while wearing this creation, tell your seatmate where to go -- hygienehunter.com  

There's a little swine in everyone.

This little piggy went to market. This little piggy went home. This little piggy is being blamed for Swine Flu. And now everyone is paranoid. Welcome to my world. The biggest, breakthrough advice medical experts are giving is, "Wash your hands." And may I add, once you have, don't pick the sleep out of your eye.

Traveling on airplanes is always of some concern. Close proximity. Recycled air. Sweat pants. When people sneeze, they don't always sneeze into a tissue or shirtsleeve -- preferably your own shirt. Sometimes they'll sneeze right into the newspaper the flight attendant has handed them. A newspaper that could eventually find its way to you. Right Mr.-Businessman-Seated-In-1A? In addition to cleaning armrests, seatbelts and the TV screen with hand sanitizer and saying no to public reading material, I use Saline Mist by Otrivin to help ward off any circulating nasties. And when I'm feeling particularly at risk, I wear my string of garlic.

Not just me.

Every once in a while, I think, maybe, just maybe, I've taken this hygiene thing a bit too far. Perhaps I should live and let live. So in this instance, I asked my podiatrist, Dr. Tobinski, his opinion. You can guess mine. "What do you think of going barefoot in an airplane?" His reply was, "No. Never. You don't know what's on the ground. There could be puke." Kindred spirits. Although, you should never trust me to remove a bunion from your foot. You have to love a doctor who uses the word puke as opposed to emesis. Dr. T added that you could pick up a wart, a fungus or even a bacterial infection. He does believe you should take your shoes off for comfort. In his opinion, socks are just fine. This is what separates the Hygiene Hunter from the podiatrist. The Hygiene Hunter would never contaminate her shoe afterwards. That's why I bring disposable slippers with me. To test his conviction, I asked the million dollar question, "For $1 million would you walk barefoot on the washroom floor in an aircraft?" His answer was a firm no. I believe him. Can you guess my answer?

Bad lady.

What do you do when the person sitting next to you on an airplane threatens to cough in your face? Cough in her face first? Scream "Terrorist attack!"? Run like hell!? To the other end of the plane? I opted to start a blog.

The backstory. I was settling into my seat wiping down the armrests to the left and right of me with hand sani. I fly a lot so I see how individuals of all ages mistreat public surfaces. From the way the woman seated next to me was staring, you would think I was performing a satanic ritual. Okay, so I may have been cellophaned from head to toe, but that doesn't give her an excuse, does it? I didn't react to her bug eyes or when she upped her efforts by not covering her mouth when she coughed. She wanted a confrontation, but I wasn't biting because I know that's a really good way to catch something. She sunk lower by loudly declaring to her seatmate, “I should cough in her face!” Had I caught her name I would have sent her a greeting card.