Monday, October 5, 2009

My prayers have been answered.

Thank you dear Lord. Thank you H1N1. For those of you who think the Roman Catholic Church is slow to change, you didn't go to church on Sunday. Yesterday, for the first time ever, I paid attention to the sermon during mass. That's because I wasn't strategizing on how to appear Christian-like while avoiding the peace-be-with-you handshake. The cease and desist order came from above. Holy Water has been removed to avoid communal dipping. Holy Communion can now only be received via the hand -- the priest can no longer place the host directly into the mouths of parishioners (a common practice among older parishioners). The let's-all-drink-wine-from-the-same chalice is also a no-no. And the handshake? Like it was never part of the mass ritual. Perhaps the real reason for lapsed Catholics is closet germaphobes. Maybe, just maybe.


  1. I know of a religion where the priest uses a shared spoon to pass along the communion. Note that some people feel obliged to put their mouth on the spoon. Then add a few kisses on the cheeks to the the peace-be-with-you handshake and you have a hygiene-conscious person trembling. It made you really regret taking the communion when you got to the handshakes and smelt the breath on some of those people. Let's just say that now I'm looking for a new religion.