Wednesday, September 8, 2010

If it's not PVD, what is it?

While dining at a NY Mag Critics' Pick restaurant in New York, I experienced a sudden onset of black spots floating in front of my eyes. A quick diagnosis by WebMD suggested a Posterior Vitreous Detachment. Wait. Hold the menu. When looking at my iPhone, the spots disappear. When looking at the wall in front of me, they reappear. I count a minimum of 21.

A closer inspection suggests a Fructus Fly Invasion. Oh, these were not your ordinary colony of flies. These were flies on mission sent to observe me, the Hygiene Hunter. For some reason, I did not leave the restaurant. I believe they hypnotized me because I stayed and ate my meal. WTF? Mental note: wash mouth out with saline solution back at hotel.

To their credit, they were extremely polite, observing me from a 3-foot distance, and did not once approach me or my plate. Oddly enough, my dining companion was missing an ear when we left.

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