Do you see what I see?

Vancouver is webcam mad. Look up towards the right. This webcam is not keeping tabs on the kitchen staff though -- that is what I am for. And I am happy to report no fingers were dipped into any pots at Blue Water Cafe & Raw Bar in Yaletown. When the restaurant first opened images were broadcast online. The quality wasn't good enough so they killed the feed, but kept the webcam.

Has the Opus Hotel gone too far?

The Opus Hotel can definitely be thought of as one sexy place.

Exhibit A. Their closed-circuit system broadcasts lounge images into the restrooms so you can spy with your little eye even when nature calls. I would prefer the system to broadcast images of the restrooms into the lounge so I can see who is washing their hands and who isn't. (This system, BTW, recently caused a CBC TV reporter to say WTF.)

Exhibit B. Webcams above the bed. My husband was seriously excited when he saw what he thought were webcams on the left and right side of the bed. Unlike the CBC reporter, he said WTF when he discovered these nifty gadgets are merely reading lights.

Alleluja!

Thank you Opus Hotel. Pillows that do not end up on the floor during turndown service. My husband agreed, although he wondered whether luggage may have been stored on the rack at some point or other causing cross-contamination from the wheels. Seriously. Why is everyone around me so paranoid?

Proof it is new.

Some of the rooms at the Opus have just undergone a renovation. You know what that means ... NEW MATTRESSES. Gloriously clean and unspoiled. Even the tag is pristine. This mattress also offered a perfect sleep. Once I removed the bowling pins. Was the perfect sleep due to the coil configuration? Or the lack of stains? In my opinion, both.

Hello Vancouver.

First things, first. Vancouver, British Columbia is one of the most beautiful cities in the world. To live in. And visit. It continually rates highly in Surveys of the People. Visitors to the Capital of Luon -- for those unfamiliar with Luon it is the fabric used to create the most flattering yoga apparel on the planet; known to flatter even the widest bottom; courtesy of Lululemon Athletica. Moving on. In my opinion the best place to stay in Vancouver is the Opus. A boutique hotel in Yaletown. The lighting is right. The toiletries are delicious (smell only; do not consume.) And ... they offer a car service. Which is lovely. The car is super clean. And it takes you where your Louboutins cannot.

Everything in its place please.

I cannot imagine this being appetizing even with the meat on the bone. There was a garbage can within a few steps of this sidewalk buffet. Reduce? Reuse? Recycle? In this case, please just toss the animal remains where they belong.

Say what you mean.

Personally, I did not really believe the plane was being cleaned as announced by the gate agent. She simply used the word cleaned vs. the commonly used groomed. But the CLEANING ANNOUNCEMENT made the results of my wipe down way more fun. My pleasures in life are simple.

We apologize for the delay.

Take all the time you like I thought when the gate agent announced the flight was delayed because the aircraft was being cleaned. She said the plane was BEING CLEANED! As opposed to the usual BEING GROOMED. Was my patience rewarded?

Tempting.

I thought about renting one of these bikes in San Francisco, but didn't. Oddly enough, it wasn't the communal aspect that dissuaded me, but rather the hills. More sanitizer for the airplane.

A safer bet?

According to a recent Stanford University study your smartphone touchscreen -- that's yours; not mine -- may have 18 times more germs than a public toilet flush handle. I wonder how this pay phone would fare in comparison to your personal mobile device? With so many personal mobile phones it may just be cleaner. If I were forced to use this phone I would sanitize the receiver and use a tissue to press the buttons. Back to your smartphone. If you avoided public touchpoints your phone could be just as clean as mine.

Save the planet. Catch a cold?

I tried to 'Protect'.

But failed. That's because the hand sani dispenser was empty. Fear not, I always carry my own wipes. On the bright side, an empty dispenser means people are cleaning their hands after touching much-touched airport security bins. Perhaps it's the mere fact that you are near Customs Authorities that makes one OBEY THE SIGN.

On the topic of smells.

This is my least favourite fruit peel and after smell courtesy of a fruit. Although it does photograph well.

Definitely Cream of Something.

In honour of Canadian Thanksgiving which was celebrated yesterday I have an admission to share with you. My acute sense of smell failed me. As I entered the Air Canada Maple Leaf Lounge in Vancouver I would have sworn on an organic turkey breast -- cooked to an internal temperature of 74°C (165°F) to prevent foodborne illness -- that I smelled Cream of Mushroom Soup. Alas, it was Cream of Chicken. Oh well, Bed Bug Sniffing dogs are only 96% accurate as well. Here's proof.

Garbage day.

I am so glad I purchased an organic mattress. Unlike these, mine will decompose as opposed to ending up in a landfill.

Relief at SFMOMA.

Robert Rauschenberg's White Painting (1951) and a bottle of champagne helped me forget (at least temporarily) the stained mattress cover, cockroach and moldy cheese in my hotel room. Perhaps one day The Stained Mattress Cover, Cockroach and Moldy Cheese will be on display at the SFMOMA.

Strike Three.

I am intrigued by the moldy cheese in the minibar, however I cannot find it on the menu.

Strike Two.

When we checked into our San Francisco hotel room there were only two of us. The next morning there were three. For a limited time anyway. Ecolabs "the gobal leader in cleaning, sanitizing, food safety and infection control products and services" were called in to investigate by the hotel. The director of housekeeping said they treat these matters seriously. We never did hear back from housekeeping or the relatives of the deceased.

Strike One.

Look what I found as a result of my hotel room inspection during a recent stay in San Francisco. The good news is this stain -- NOT MINE -- did not permeate the mattress cover, so the mattress was not affected and I did not have to change rooms. Housekeeping did have to replace all bedding. How this can be missed is beyond me.

More to worry about.

Doorknobs. Faucets. Newspaper handles. And now pipes.