Pizza Scissors.

Not to be confused with nose hair scissors.

How I fight the flu.

Instead of opting for a flu shot, I increase my Kale Shake intake by one, continue to avoid unprotected interaction with doorknobs and hold my breath for two months.

What a relief!

My freeze-dried raven IS allowed to dine with me.

Antipasti at Buca.

As long as it doesn't touch my glass, I can most certainly appreciate the view.

Vindicated.

"I wouldn't walk on this floor barefooted either," said one airport security guard to another after I was granted permission to walk through the metal detector with slippers on.